If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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