i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
