are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
