found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
