Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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