he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
