Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The air was thick with penises
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
