Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
