Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
