dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
