The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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