I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
