I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
