When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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