Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
