Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
