Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
