I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
