i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
