I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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