dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
