she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
