in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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