anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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