Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
