im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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