I hate your face
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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