Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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