As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize