Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
