There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
