there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
