I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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