you would pick up someone in the library
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
