I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There r osticjed everywhere
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
