Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
