it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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