oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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