I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
