Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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