She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
