There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
