So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
