Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
