yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
