nut hugger
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize