a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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