About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize