He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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