i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
