After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize