M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
