some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need water and some morals
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
