Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
