Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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