last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
