I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
