After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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