you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
