New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
