my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize