So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
