I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
