he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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