what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
