i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
