thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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