If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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