Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
