they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
