Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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