You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
